One of the unexpected things about cancer isn’t the treatment.
It’s the people.
Not because people stop being kind.
Because most suddenly become… wonderfully human.
Some don’t know what to say, so they say nothing at all.
Some send messages every week.
Some pretend everything is completely normal, which can be surprisingly comforting.
Some become experts overnight and start forwarding miracle cures they found on the internet.
(Please don’t🙂)
And every now and then…
Someone says something that stays with you.
Not because they’re unkind.
Because they don’t realise how differently those words will land.
Cancer has taught me that most people aren’t trying to hurt us.
They’re trying to help.
Sometimes they simply don’t know how.
The truth is…
Nobody gives us a manual for these moments.
Not the patient.
Not the husband.
Not the children.
Not the friends.
We’re all making it up as we go along.
And here’s the thing.
Years later, we rarely remember the exact words.
We remember how they made us feel.
I think that’s why words aren’t always necessary.
A hug.
A smile.
An understanding nod.
Sometimes they say far more than any carefully chosen sentence.
I still remember the people who simply sat beside me.
The ones who made me laugh.
The ones who didn’t try to fix anything.
The ones who said, “I’m here,” without actually saying the words.
Those are the moments that linger.
So, if someone you love is going through something difficult and you’re worried about saying the wrong thing…
Can I let you in on a little secret?
You don’t need the perfect words.
You just need to show up.
Bring a coffee.
Send a silly meme.
Offer to go for a walk.
Sit in silence if that’s what they need.
The perfect sentence probably doesn’t exist.
But kindness rarely gets it wrong.
None of us gets a manual.
But if we just keep turning up for each other… somehow, that is usually enough.
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